Hey, my friends! I’m Hayley Hobson and I’m so glad you’re here! Welcome to the 10/10 Podcast where I help ambitious women, like you, look + feel younger, so you can achieve a 10/10 lifestyle (and unlock financial freedom).
You know, I was thinking about you the other day ‘cause I was chatting with a girlfriend about how she struggles to get what she wants.
Those were her words, BTW.
Specifically, she was talking about enrolling people into her business…
But I actually picked up that this was likely something happening in her personal life right now, too.
So, I asked if that was her experience.
And her eyes got all big.
And she was basically like, “Umm, are you psychic? Do you have some sort of nanny cam in my house?”
LOL – I took that as a yes.
I actually do think I’m kinda psychic (ask my coaching students)… but the real reason I picked up on that had to do with her communication style.
How she was showing up and communicating with ME – a completely neutral third party – that gave me all the clues.
So if you feel like you aren’t being heard…
Or what you have to say isn’t landing…
Today I’m gonna give ya some tricks that will help ya out.
‘Cause it’s frustrating AF, right?
Not getting results? Or feeling heard?
I have to tell ya – I felt this way A LOT growing up.
And it wasn’t until I really began investing in myself that I discovered one critical thing.
It was me.
This really got clear for me when I enrolled in a leadership training a few years ago.
I’m sure you’ve heard me talk about it – it’s called Heartcore Leadership.
Super quick recap on why I decided to invest in a leadership training like this.
It was to save my marriage.
Over the years, we tried the traditional paths – therapy, coaching, couples counseling, individual counseling…
And nothing really stuck.
So we tried something totally out of the box – and it landed better.
And what we both quickly learned was… our communication styles got to change.
We got to adjust HOW we approached our words and energy (‘cause yes, communication is more than just what you say and how you say it)...
If we wanted to have a better relationship, we got to shift our entire way of BE-ing.
And I have to say, it’s really helped.
So before I go into the techniques we use now that have really made a massive difference…
I know some of you have been asking me about Heartcore Leadership – ‘cause you wanna see if it’s right for you too.
So I’m dropping a link for ya to jump on the phone with me to learn more.
And because I’ve been such a diehard over the past few years, first as a student, then supporting others I’ve referred the training to, then a coach, one of their advanced PhD students and then a Captain…
They’ve given me a 25% off code for you to use.
Simply schedule a call with me at www.hayleyhobson.com/call
and I will show ya how to get all signed up. If it’s a fit for you.
Pretty easy to remember, right?
I’ll drop the link in the show notes for ya too.
Ok so let’s start by mapping out WHY communication is so important.
It’s because none of us live in a silo.
In order to get what you want, you get to communicate effectively.
Meaning, be clear. Be concise. Coherent.
And you get to do this in a way that lands with someone else – enrolls them WITH you in your communication.
I truly believe that every single day, we are selling others into our vision. Our own ideas.
Actually, I prefer the word “enroll” versus “sell” – ‘cause with selling, it implies there’s some sort of financial exchange.
And that’s not always the case.
But if ya think about it… we ARE selling people into something.
- Maybe you’re physically selling a product.
- Maybe you’re asking somebody to show up to a specific event – could be lunch, could be a workshop for your biz.
- Maybe you’re enrolling your teenager into doing an activity with you on Saturday.
- Maybe you're enrolling your spouse into watching one of your shows on Netflix.
- Or maybe it’s as simple as enrolling them into what to friggin get for dinner. LOL
At its core, it’s just getting someone to go along with you – and feel good doing it.
You know, I feel like this idea of “enrolling” or “selling” has gotten a bad rap, ‘cause many people believe there’s some sort of manipulation going on.
When really, enrolling people is about allowing them to catch the vision.
Maybe initially it's your vision.
And then they see it for themselves too. So it becomes their vision.
Or, they see how important your vision is to you, that they want to support you in getting there. They are drawn in. They want to see you complete.
It could be about creating a win-win agreement with them.
Which means you get to know what inspires or motivates someone – what matters to them.
Maybe it’s what they like, want, or need.
Maybe it’s what’s still missing in their life. Or in the gap of them getting what they want.
And then, it’s about aligning your communication “style” with their vision, goals, and values – how they prefer to receive information – and then create communication that lands with them.
And that’s more than just using the right words.
It’s about context.
And… the proper setting — AKA choosing the right time.
Ensuring they’re in the right headspace and energy to receive what you have to share.
I’m sure you know exactly what it feels like when someone approaches you at the absolute WORST possible time.
Like, you’re rushing out the door to go to work or meet a friend or for a class…
And your kid goes, “Hey mom, can I go on a trip with Caddace’s family this weekend?”
And you’re like, “WHAT! Now you wanna talk to me about that?”
Your inclination is likely to say no, ‘cause you are soooooo not in the right frame of mind to even consider that request.
Plus, the way she asked you sucked. LOL
I’m sure you have a hundred of your own examples you can call to mind right away.
This is what I mean by choosing your communication style.
Had your kid enrolled you in the idea, when you were a calm, open, grounded, and receptive space… your answer might have been completely different.
Here’s another totally hypothetical, not at all from my own life example. LOL
A wrong time, wrong message scenario is: Your kid pops into your office when you're in the middle of a Zoom. You're leading the zoom. And she asks you if she can buy a new dry shampoo off the Sephora app because "everyone on Tiktok" says it's the best. And she wants an answer right now.
Here’s your answer: Umm… no. LOL
However, a win-win scenario would be she waits to ask me until I’m done with my Zoom. Asks me for money for Sephora AND in exchange, enrolls me into the idea of shooting all my videos for the week with her. So, I get my content done. And I get to spend time with her. AND she gets the money she's looking for. For producing my videos.
I’m much more likely to say yes, right?
So it’s the same question.
With different circumstances.
And a MUCH better result.
For her that is, LOL.
Point being – how we communicate… HOW we say something matters.
It really does affect the results you can get in your life.
So here’s what I hope lands with you rn.
You get to tap into the other person’s way of being.
Tune in to them, and adjust your approach.
I’m not saying be fake. Or lie. Or manipulate.
I’m saying, get psychic. J/K
I’m saying to tune in – and create a communication style that will resonate with them.
You get to shift YOUR energy.
And what’s absolutely amazing is… when you shift, everyone else shifts.
Another tip is to set parameters.
Like, let’s say you want to talk about something important with your husband – maybe it’s about money.
You can say, “Hey, I’d like 10 minutes of your time to connect about our finances tonight. When is a good time that works for you?”
That’s clear, concise, and concrete.
It’s connected and loving because you’re asking what works for him.
It’s confident without being aggressive.
You’re enrolling your husband into doing something with you. Not for you.
Now, imagine if instead you dropped the sentence everyone dreads…
“We need to talk.” LOL
Or its cousin, “Do you have 10 minutes to chat?”
That sort of thing gets pretty much everyone filled with anxiety and spiraling.
They feel put on the spot.
Not to mention, it’s not specific.
People try to fill in the blanks – and it’s usually not good!
So, IMO, saying those things is not getting intentional or grounded in your communication.
And you’re less likely to get the results you desire.
But if you approach that differently…
You put yourself into the shoes of the other person who is going to receive the information or request from you…
Be clear, specific, and enrolling…
They’re more likely to get enrolled into your idea – what your vision is – and then what you want.
In a calm, non-reactive, and productive state.
So my friends, if you feel like you aren’t getting the support you want from your spouse…
If you aren’t seeing the results you desire in your biz…
If you’re not moving the needle in your social media or your marketing…
YES, this is a thing – if your communication isn't landing on your social media, you’ll never attract an audience, engagement or buyers.
If you don’t have the deep, intimate friendships you want…
This is your call to shift YOUR approach.
Don’t expect everyone else to take the lead.
You get to be the example.
THAT is what being a leader is all about.
Lead in your OWN life.
And remember, the way you get to do that is by tailoring your communication style.
Lean into their personality… what you know about them…
How they receive information.
And align your words AND your energy.
Chances are when you do this, it will generate a more positive outcome.
AND build a better relationship.
And you may not nail it the first time.
The beautiful thing is, you get to tweak your approach until you DO find what lands.
One big note here: not everyone is the same.
There’s no magic pill or blueprint of “Say these 5 words and you’ll instantly get what you want.”
And we didn’t learn this in school, did we?
But what DOES work is tailoring your energy and your approach to each person.
This is super basic stuff but most of it – myself included at times – don’t do it all that well.
Or mindfully, I think is a better way of saying it…
Until we actually LEARN how to be in communication with another human being.
And supporting that person in getting what they want – WHILE also enrolling them in what you want.
That’s a win-win.
So, I’d love for you to try this yourself.
And then let me know what shifts you notice.
What changes in outcome you generate.
For me, I’m generating a happier relationship with my husband.
And new opportunities in my biz.
I’m also creating new relationships because of my involvement in the Heartcore Leadership training.
Some really really incredible people are enrolled in this same idea of leveling up our way of BE-ing…
And that, by itself, generates new opportunities and outcomes for me, as well.
So again, if you wanna check it out…
I’ve opened up a few spots on my calendar so you can do that.
Ok friends, that’s all for today.
I’ll see ya next week!