You know that moment when you feel yourself about to lose your shiz over the smallest little thing?
A prospective client says, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
A project you were really excited to start falls through.
A big ol’ document you spent all day on somehow didn’t friggin save.
It happens to the best of us...
Sometimes even if you’re in such a good groove, a little annoying roadblock can come up...
It starts out small, then begins to grow...
The more you try to ignore it and push through the day, the bigger it can become.
You might think it’s the outward situation causing you to wanna rage cry, but here's my hot take on this.
What’s really setting you off is that inner voice of doubt and fear.
In the back of your mind, that little voice is telling you, “See? You shouldn’t get your hopes up. Who are you to want more than what you have?”
It can be hard to differentiate between being grateful for what you do have and being complacent. Of staying small when you have so friggin much more to offer the world.
So I’m here to tell you…
If you give in and listen to that voice that says, “You can’t do it all…” then you know what?
That’s why it’s key to develop a mindset of resilience.
And ya know what? You don’t have to be dragged through hell and back to create it.
You just have to want to make it happen.
Just like there are bad habits in nutrition and productivity… there are also bad habits of the mind.
And just like any muscle that we flex and train to build at the gym, we can also strengthen the muscle of the mind.
Developing mental toughness can lead to a greater ability to:
- Cope - you’ll be able to acknowledge the shiz going down and quickly find a way around it or rebound better.
- Perform - how you show up is 90% of what makes you successful, IMO.
- Execute - setting goals is great… but taking actionable steps comes from determination, which is totally in your mind.
- Focus - if your mind is veering off course, the distractions become louder and you’ll accomplish less.
- Be confident - the whole “fake it till you make it” adage is born out of being mentally resilient… because if you give up before you start, you’re never gonna go anywhere, right?
So here’s the deal…
It’s super easy to be able to say you’re gonna toughen up, but it’s good to have a toolbox to help ya shift your mindset.
One of the ways to baby step your way into mental toughness is to get out of the fixed mindset.
Because yep, it’s totally a habit.
So let’s talk about how to work toward a growth mindset… which is Step 1 of cultivating mindful resilience.
How to Develop Mental Resilience
Step 1: Notice the quality of your thoughts
I bet you don’t really think about the *tone* of your thoughts on the regular, now do ya?
So try it out for a day and see if you are able to notice any patterns.
Are your thoughts generally:
Or if that’s a little too esoteric, try to notice the inner monologue that goes on when something in your life or biz happens.
For example, a client or customer chooses not to move forward with a purchase or project.
What narrative is playing in your mind? What adjectives would you use to describe the tone of the inner monologue?
Becoming aware of the quality of your thoughts will help you begin to identify any shifts you wanna make toward building resilience.
Step 2: Use positive language & affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements, usually written in the present tense.
There’s some super cool science that shows your brain chemistry literally responds to “I am” statements as fact.
Which means that by using statements as if they’re happening or have already happened… it literally rewires your brains to believe it.
So let's say you want to learn a new skill, expand your business, achieve a fitness goal… whatevs.
You can use affirmations as a self coaching guide.
Here are some examples:
- I am successful.
- I am capable.
- I am in charge of my health and growth.
- I’ve done this before, I can do it again.
- I can do hard things. (Shoutout to Glennon Doyle for this newish fav!)
Saying these positive statements aloud and to yourself on the daily will help you get through the fear your ego throws up when shiz goes sideways.
Subconsciously, they’ll ring as false faster and more consistently because you’re regularly telling yourself the opposite.
Like, if someone told you the sky was green and you knew deep within yourself it’s blue…
...you’re not really gonna waste an extra second obsessing over it, right?
Because it’s clearly not true.
Same shiz applies here.
Step 3: Ditch the blame game
There’s a difference between blame and accountability.
Tough love time… when you blame someone or something else, does it change the outcome?
Accountability is actually powerful. Because it puts you in the driver’s seat for change.
Mental resilience is about letting go of blame and embracing accountability.
And in some cases, you know what?
There’s nothing you could have done differently.
So what do you do?
When you blame external circumstances, you’re literally giving away your power.
Successful people are leaders. And leaders take ownership and accountability.
When you’re a leader and you blame others, it’s not a good look. You come across as weak and ineffective.
And ain’t nobody got time for that.
Because again… the outcome doesn’t change.
So woman up… own your shiz… and harness your own power for mental toughness.
Step 4: Find a mentor
I totally have girl crushes on some inspirational women business owners…
Even though I’ve been in this biz over a decade, I love to soak up the stories and success tips from others who are killin’ it in the game.
It’s my second fav part of Clubhouse… the networking with A-class biz leaders and talent.
(My actual fav part is sharing knowledge with others on their entrepreneurial journeys and helping them be more successful in their own right.)
What I’ll say is…
Everyone needs a mentor, someone they can look up to and learn from...
Your mentors can be:
- Historical figures.
- Industry leaders.
- People you know.
- People you don’t know.
- Someone older than you.
- Someone younger than you.
What’s important is that you focus on the positive qualities and lessons they’re able to impart to you.
And BTW, you don’t even have to ask someone personally to be your mentor.
You can sign up for a program they offer, or follow them on social. Or even just admire them from afar.
Personally I prefer the closer connection, which is why I offer my Habit Hackers membership group.
For years I had women ask me how to shift their lifestyles to be healthier… even with a jam-packed schedule.
I realized this was their way of asking for mentorship without using that specific word.
And since that’s totally my jam, Habit Hackers was born! Check it out if you have wanted some mentorship but have been a little stuck on how to start.
Step 5: Practice gratitude
Now I know earlier I said that there’s a difference between being grateful for what you have and playing small.
Here’s where I drop the bomb that gratitude is a huge part of creating a mindset of resilience.
And it comes down to this…
By establishing a gratitude practice, your ability to show resilience when you get hit with unexpected stressors will grow stronger – and faster!
Through the simple act of saying “Thank You for…” or “I’m grateful for…” you’re building up emotional stamina.
There are lots of exercises you can work with to weave gratitude into your daily routine.
My fav is a gratitude journal. Here’s how to do it
- Option 1: Write a gratitude list for 10 minutes. Anything and everything you are thankful for. Keep writing for the full 10 minutes – you can set an alarm if you need to. This helps you find more things beyond the obvious that you’re grateful for.
- Option 2: Write down 3 things you’re thankful for every day. I like to do this before hitting the sheets. This is about creating a habit of gratitude. You can totally move from Option 1 to Option 2 once you’ve started to open up to allll the things you’re grateful for on the regular.
When you practice gratitude daily, you’re literally calling in #goodvibes.
Which means you’re gonna be more open to noticing (and taking action for) even more positive opportunities coming your way.
Recently I asked in Habit Hackers what big #wins my community has been experiencing.
And the stories were amazing.
You know the big theme that showed up?
The wins all came from overcoming struggles.
AKA: Mental resilience got them past their roadblocks and on to bigger and better things.
Many of the big wins came from business.
After a year of struggle and “WTF do I do now?” came beautiful new opportunities.
New growth and expansion.
All from sticking with it, forging up inner strength, and being determined to be resilient AF.
Because again, mental toughness is a habit.
And now you have 5 steps to turn it from a nice idea into an actual lifestyle.
This is totally what we talk about in Habit Hackers.
This private membership group is all about hacking your habits and building routines to live your best life – that means in your biz and in your body.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about mental resilience and if you’ve picked up some new info.
Hit me up on social (or join Habit Hackers!) and share your thoughts.
I’ll see ya online.