In some of my recent Clubhouse rooms (are you on there? Hit me up @hayleyhobson) and online communities, I’ve been hosting conversations about marketing, success, and creating a life of abundance and freedom.
I’ve noticed there are some common issues that come up: habits and mindsets that are holding women back from their version of success.
You’ll go from this:
To this:
So today I’m gonna break it down for ya.
And show you how to flip the script to break that bad habit for good.
8 Harmful Habits Holding You Back From Wild Success
Habit #1: People pleasin
How often do you agree to something JUST to make the other person happy?
If it’s every once in a while… OK… it’s called compromise.
But so many women are chronical people pleasers.
I think we tell ourselves it makes us seem easygoing, flexible, and cool…
But – if it happens too often – it can get into pushover territory, which is where resentment and loss of self loves to breed.
The first step in overcoming this people pleaser mentality is to become self-aware.
Get clear within yourself of WHY you’re doing what you’re doing and recognizing that you have the power to stop it.
Habit #2: Feeling bad about things you shouldn’t feel bad about.
My friend recently told me a story about a former coworker who was messaging her super late at night – and she never responded.
(Don’t worry, he’s not a creeper, just doesn’t have great people skills.)
She chose not to respond because they aren’t really friends and she barely remembers working with him.
She decided to just leave it be until…
He sent her a message that said, “You probably think I’m a crazy person. I just thought you were cool. Sorry, I won’t bug you again.”
She told me she felt she felt obligated to respond.
To which I replied: “What do you WANT to do?”
That kinda stopped her in her tracks.
She said she didn’t want to respond, but she felt she should because she felt bad that he seemed to feel bad.
(We are complicated creatures, aren’t we?)
She wanted to make it better. To soothe him. Make it nice.
She felt bad about something she had NO reason to feel bad about.
The way to fix this habit of being overly compassionate is to ask yourself this simple coaching question:
What do I WANT to do?
Habit #3: Not owning your worth.
While this is very true across the board, particularly in relationships, I’m talking specifically about work here.
Many of the women in my network are creative entrepreneurs.
I see them continually price themselves below their true value for many reasons, but the top two are fear and scarcity.
They believe that if they raise their prices, they won’t get work.
So they accept work paying below their worth.
In one of my recent Clubhouse rooms, we talked about marketing and the question about pricing came up.
A panelist told an up-and-coming graphic designer to find a rate that made her want to vomit… and then back it down a couple steps.
So let’s say $200 an hour is the price that would make you want to vomit if you were able to get it…
You could back it down to $175 or $150.
I think you should still feel a little queasy saying your rate at first, but over time, you will come to own your worth with confidence.
Remember, they aren’t paying for your time…
They’re paying for your:
Value.
Experience.
Talent.
Skills.
Expertise.
Point of view.
Habit #4: Perfectionism.
I love this quote from Elizabeth Gilbert: “Perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat.”
She goes on to explain that despite the glossy veneer, perfectionism really just says, “I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.”
To get around perfectionism, I’m going to challenge you to put out work that you think is subpar.
I’m talking B- level work here.
Every moment you spend trying to make something perfect is a moment you aren’t spending on your next big move.
What I can virtually guarantee is that your level of perfection is far above what anyone else expects...
So get it good enough, put it out into the world to help someone else, and move on to the next thing you’re destined to do.
Habit #5: Using food as a reward.
Quick pivot, I know, but hear me out…
Because you are the driver of your success, if you aren’t treating yourself well, you’re not going to be as successful as you could be.
Why do we use food as a reward?
This one probably comes from childhood where we received dessert for doing something good…
(Anyone else hate the dentist as a kid? No? Just me? Awkward.)
Well, in any event, using food as a reward or for comfort is a huge issue… especially here in America.
Many of us have developed an unhealthy relationship with food.
Food is FUEL. Plain and simple.
And sugar is probably the worst of the worst. Research has found that sugar is more addictive than opioid drugs such as cocaine. 😬
So here’s what I’d like to offer as a replacement...
Switch your rewards.
Use an experience as your carrot (oh hey, food analogy!) 🥕🤸♀️
Call up a friend.
Spend an afternoon exploring.
Sit outside and read a good book.
Get a facial or a massage.
Book a trip!
Unless you’re careful about your rewards system, you can easily get into a habit where you start feeling bad in your body – because your INPUT is not lining up with your OUTPUT.
Which means your motivation, energy levels, and productivity drop.
Remember: food IS FUEL. It’s not love.
Habit #6: Complaining.
I can totally hear you right now saying, “Who me? I don’t complain too much!”
Maybe that’s true… and maybe it’s not.
Do people tell you to stop complaining or being negative?
If so, you’ve got complaining as a bad habit!
I know someone who decided to break this habit with a three-part plan.
Part 1: Become more aware of his thoughts.
Part 2: Snap a rubber band around his wrist when he noticed negative thoughts.
Part 3: Have his girlfriend tell him when she noticed him being critical too.
For the first couple days, it worked great.
Then, Monday came.
Work started. The rubber band was forgotten.
When his girlfriend noted his negative words and energy, he got defensive about it and started giving excuses as to WHY he was reacting that way.
Here’s why his plan fell apart so quickly: It was too much, all at once.
He decided to change his approach:
Part 1: Morning journaling. This helped him download the negative chatter onto the page.
Part 2: Listening to his own words verbatim. His work got the Voxer app and he listened to his voice memos, noticing how often he came across as negative. Now is more thoughtful in how he communicates.
Part 3: Meditation. This helps his mental health.
Part 4: Lifting. This helps his physical and mental health.
Here’s the real secret of his success: he added each new step over time.
This is known as habit stacking.
Complaining is just negative energy with a voice.
It’s not cute.
Complaining holds you back personally and professionally because no one wants a cloud of negativity around them all the time.
To flip the script like my friend did, the first step is to become aware of the nature of your thoughts.
Are they positive, neutral, or negative?
Breaking the habit of complaining and negativity takes a while, which is why habit stacking is super important to make it happen.
Habit #7: Saying “I’m sorry.”
Women of the world, we have a terrible habit of saying “I’m sorry” when we don’t need to.
We are over-apologizers.
We apologize when we aren’t in the wrong.
Like saying “Sorry” if someone gets up to let you into your seat at a movie theater.
We apologize to other people for their mistakes.
Like saying you’re sorry when someone spills their coffee all over the papers you had on the table – you’re apologizing for simply taking up space.
We even apologize defensively, like: “I’m sorry you’re so sensitive.” Ugh, passive aggressive much?
So here’s your tip: Switch “I’m sorry” with “Thank you.”
Here are some examples:
“I’m sorry I was late.” = “Thank you for waiting for me.”
“I’m sorry for unloading my problems on you.” = “Thank you for listening to me.”
“I’m sorry for making you read this long article.” = “Thank you for being here, I appreciate it!” LOL
Habit #8: Not having a routine.
I’m not saying you have to have every moment of your day mapped out, but I’m a firm believer that routine is what creates consistency.
And consistency creates momentum.
Which leads to success.
I’m all for spontaneity, but when you have big goals and aspirations for yourself and your life, you gotta have a plan to get there.
There are many, many books written about the importance of a morning routine, and how it sets up your day for success.
I share my routine a lot online, which generally consists of:
Waking up at the same time every morning.
Meditation.
Having a green juice or a cacao latte.
Exercise.
Working through my scheduled time blocks.
I share ALL my insider routine and time management tricks into my free online event called the Reclaim Your Time Challenge.
Because I truly believe that there is power in balancing structure with flexibility.
I actually saved this quote I saw in last year’s challenge group because it made me so happy.
Cathy said: “I thought I would be overwhelmed but the opposite happened all thanks to the amazing Hayley. I think we should all hang out with Hayley... so inspirational ❤️”
Cathy, I’m totally down. Let’s do it. LOL
Let’s keep it real: we all know shiz happens.
That’s why you gotta set yourself up for success as much as possible.
Which is exactly what I’ll show you how to do inside this free 7-day online challenge.
About the Reclaim Your Time Challenge:
7 days of short, powerful sessions with quick useful nuggets – including how-to steps.
I’ll be showing you how to manage your calendar more efficiently… using some of the world’s best techniques and tricks.
Learn how to fine tune your existing processes.
Streamline how you go about your day.
Carve out consistent time for yourself and still get.it.all.done.
Free and online – join wherever you are in the world (even if you’re on the go).
It starts this week… Wednesday February 17 through Tuesday February 23.
I ran this event last year and had over 1,000 women join.
I’m looking to double that this year, so I’d love for you to join.
When Susan posted this in last year’s group, she got me right in the feels.
She said, “I have to remind myself I am Worthy... it is up to me to be the author of my day.”
Yes, Susan, that’s the sense of ownership and power I’m talking about.
A couple days into the challenge, she posted this: “#win feeling like I'm taking control of my day instead of the day getting away from meon me and controlling me.”
I’m ALL about impact in 2021.
And I want to help you reach your version of success by coaching you through a time and task management system that is super helpful.
This mini training is ideal for:
Entrepreneurs.
Busy moms.
Business women.
Creatives.
Go-getters.
Basically, badass women like you and me.
Thank you SO much for being here today. (See, I didn’t apologize…) LOL
I’ll see ya online...
XO,
Hayley