A few months ago, Wendy sent in a heated comment to my facebook page. Here’s what she had to say:
“I’m about to have my first child and want to stay-at-home, but know that I also don’t want to give up my higher aspirations. I hear from other Mom’s I’d be crazy to do both. Mind you, online I see Moms doing it all and they look so good!! Am I missing something here? Can I do it all, or what.”
Love this question. Can you relate to Wendy?
I sure can and have wondered this myself, but I know I’m one of those people online (she was on my Facebook page…) who looks like a well-made mama. And, honestly, I am. But, I often wonder if other mama’s out there go through the growing pains I have.
I discovered something after having my daughter in 2009. Working eighty hour weeks managing multiple health studios and attending to private yoga and pilates clients, I began to feel spending time with my daughter and staying healthy were absolutes. Yet I still wanted to feel the professional satisfaction I knew possible. If this was going to happen I was going to seriously need to make change and find balance between my career and motherhood. Or get a live-in hairdresser, personal shopper, nanny, house cleaner, chef, assistant, dog walker, mechanic, accountant…
That’s why I started a home-based business and also decided to do something I’d never done before – ask for help! I grew comfortable asking for support and to be brutally honest it probably saved my life, marriage and has provided me with so much more than what my suffering in silence did. Ok, I was never totally silent – it’s me, right! But, I suffered.
Most people would love to have a more healthy work-life balance. I get that, but it doesn’t always work out that way. Especially when we add in being a mama, and our balance is tested again. More stress, longer days and demands on health that compromise us emotionally and physically.
We can’t do it all!
But…we can have it all. We need to look at our self-deception stories, such as believing we are not being good enough if we ask for help. The hardest job here is looking at our lies and making change.
What I found when I started my business is that I was quick to employ experts to help me, instead of trying to figure everything out. That was really what propelled me to success and such a quick rate.
Yet I still tried to run the house like I had been taught from a young age. I thought I had to do everything otherwise I was letting my kids and husband down. Then I suddenly realized my issue and made the change.
I got help. I got someone to help me do some of the work required around my house and I also became more flexible with my work and personal life. I made the lines between the two more blurry.
For example, I was teaching an Aromatouch workshop this past weekend in Minneapolis. In the past I would have got all stressed out because I would have felt (incorrectly, I may add) that I was imposing upon my husband by leaving my young daughter with him for the weekend. So I would have tried to do everything to make their life easier while I was away or, even better, figured out a way to bring her on my business trip. Yes, you heard me right, bring her! You see, I was really I was only feeding my old belief systems in that thought process.
So here’s the thing. One, I am not imposing on my husband but two, I can actually give him a break by taking her with me AND its FUN!
So off we went. Me and my five year old. We missed our flight, had four hours until the next one, which was then delayed over an hour, arrived in Minneapolis at 1am and still made the most of our mommy and me time. Better yet, I hadn’t stressed myself out by trying to do it all for them before I left.
BONUS – Madeline, even helped me teach the class too, which was super fun for both of us and everyone else too. And the certifications she sketched for everyone were quite cute and appreciated. ;-)
So think about those small adjustments where you can get help in your personal and business life and remember you can’t do it all, but you can have it all.
So go get it and enjoy it!
Originally published in Positively Positive
Image courtesy of Purple Sherbet Photo