Last year I was teaching at a local yoga studio. The owner and I had even been talking about me buying in and becoming her partner. She was great with customer relations. I was the marketing queen. We both thought it would be a good fit. Or at least I did. We went through weeks of discussions and then, out of nowhere, she backed off. Not only were our discussions over, but I was quickly pushed off the schedule as well.
My classes were gone. Just like that. The weird thing was, we had been friends for awhile. And at times, when she needed me, I totally had her back. But that was it. The relationship was over. At least on those terms.
I was shocked. Hurt. Actually devastated. Felt my world crumbling down. And then it was time to pick up the pieces. And forgive. As there really is no other way.
Bob Marley once said, "Everyone in life is going to hurt you. You have to find the one's worth suffering for." Do you remember your first heartbreak? The first time you crushed hard on a guy/girl and they didn't return the feelings? The time a friend decided to buddy up with someone in the cooler crowd and left you in the dust? The time you didn't back you up but cowered instead? The time your BFF or partner said something so hurtful to you and later told you he or she didn't mean it? The time your parents weren't there for you when you need them most and then didn't even notice they didn't show up? The list goes on.
There are so many hurtful things people can do either intentionally or unintentionally. It's really never-ending. I have had my fair share of hurts, disappointments, and heartbreak in my life. Often times I've wanted to have it out with those that hurt me. But when I've been brave enough to stand up, I was met with severe defense instead of understanding, compassion, or empathy. When someone who has hurt you cannot take ownership of what they've done and admit their guilt or apologize, it kind of sucks, doesn't it? In some instances, it can really stand in the way of our own healing or inner peace. I always want to be heard. For that person who has hurt me to understand me so I can move forward. But the bottom line is, it doesn't really matter. We are all on our own path. We're burning through our own karma. And what means something to me may be irrelevant to someone else at that moment. What may be instrumentally important to simply may not be understood by another. Forgiveness is not about forgetting. Its about picking up the pieces so you can move on. It's about letting go.
Here are a few tips on how TO let go and forgive: 1). ACKNOWLEDGE THAT WHEREVER YOU ARE IS EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE Stop for a moment. Can you see yourself? Do you know what feels right? Why are you trying to force others to
see your side? When we treat ourselves the way we deserve to be treated, others typically follow suit. We attract those in our lives that are just like us. So if you're struggling with feeling seen, heard or misunderstood, it's most likely because you don't have a clear understanding of who you are and what you need. When you stop needing others to
see you or
understand you, it may be easier to forgive. Perhaps those you need to forgive are blinded or distracted by the amazing gifts that you have.
2). YOU DON'T FEEL THE NEED TO HURT THOSE THAT HAVE HURT YOU Ghandi once said, an "Eye for an eye and whole world goes blind." What do we really accomplish by hurting someone else? By making a judgment? By calling someone else out? When we forgive, it means we are willing to accept others' pains, their flaws, or their judgments. It doesn't make someone a bad person if they cannot own their truth. It just means they haven't transgressed. They still have work to do. Their time will come. It's not up to us to push anyone along their path before they are ready. So get in the car. Be the bigger person.
Forgive so YOU can move forward. If you are harboring resentment or anger, remember, you are the only one suffering. I have just given you two awesome things to consider when it comes to forgiveness. Are there people in your life against who you are still holding grudges? What would it take to forgive them? I would love to hear from you, please leave your comments in the box below. If you found this post inspiring or it resonated, feel free to share it with others. Post it on FB, Pinterest or Tweet it. XO, Hayley