I got home yesterday afternoon from a business trip. 4 days. 6 cities. Dozens of hours on planes and on the road. My body ached and needed to move. Get some exercise. A good detox. So I got up this morning and since no one was awake, I went for a run and hit a yoga class, knowing full well all my husband had to do was take my daughter to pre-school. I had already assembled her clothing ensemble, her breakfast and her lunch. But when I arrived home at 10:30am, prepared to spend the rest of the day at home cleaning up, catching up on work and well, just in general, being home, I was called selfish. Are you friggin' kidding me?
It's not like I was out there on a joy ride. Traveling is BRUTAL.
It irks me when anybody calls me selfish. Especially members of my own family! Selfish people take from others, with little to no regard for others. So next time you choose to sling words 'narcissist' or 'selfish' around, think again before you speak. Words like this are harsh. They are judgements. Not always fully accurate and can have a great impact on others. "Wound" may even be a more appropriate word.
I'm an independent woman with a whole heck-of-a-lot life ambition and yet I chose to get married and have children. But just because I have a husband and kids doesn't mean
I choose to no longer exist or take care of myself. And you know what? I can take of them (with their cooperation) and take care of my needs as well. It's not always easy to balance my aspirations with those of my husband's, the needs of my children and other social, financial, or family obligations we have. Sometimes I wonder if it was easier when women were homemakers. Bred to be givers. Cleaning the home front. Cooking all of the meals. Preparing everyone's life. Putting everyone else's needs first.
I'm not saying if my 3 year old fell off the monkey bars I'd go get a manicure instead of taking her to Urgent Care. But you will most likely agree - in our modern world, not all women are 'the givers' of our past generations. And then, we get called "selfish" for wanting to give to ourselves. Really? The ironic thing is - most families actually need two breadwinners these days. Life is expensive. So now what? We work full time AND do all the laundry? AND do all the grocery shopping? AND be responsible for the kids' calendars? AND put dinner on the table? AND have some down time? Right. Hey I'm not saying my husband doesn't contribute. I'm just sayin' he spills coffee all over the counter every morning and never wipes it up. Just sayin'.
So if that's not selfish, neither is going to get a haircut and leaving him with the kids for a few hours. I'll be honest. I'm not a homemaker. I don't sit around waiting hand and foot on my husband all day. But you know what? I work my ass off and there's a lot I'm contributing to in many other ways.
There is a radical difference between selfish and self love. Selfish is acting in complete disregard for others. Self-love means nurturing yourself so you are able to give back with vitality and compassion. We're not supposed to be self-sacraficing, are we? It's already difficult enough in our modern world for a woman with purpose (like ME) to balance relationship, friendship, and children with our own aspirations. Don't you think?
I became a health coach so I could teach others about self care and self love. And I believe in all of us taking care of ourselves, not in a selfish way, but in a very giving and nurturing way. I fly a lot and every time the flight attendants go through the safety features, they tell you to secure your mask before you secure the mask of your children. That's what I'm doing. Securing my own mask so I can secure the future of my children. I have just expressed the difference between selfish and self love. Do you struggle with taking care of your own needs for fear people will think you are selfish? Do you self sacrifice more than you want to for fear of others judgements? I would love to hear your thoughts. Please leave your comments in the box below. Please feel free to share this with others if you found this inspiring. Post it on FB, Pinterest, or Tweet it. XO, Hayley This article was originally published on
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