I'm always on the phone.
I work all the time and I am gone a lot.
Gone are the days when mommy is always around reading and playing with my girls.
Now, my little one goes to pre-school and I’m negotiating a ton of play dates. Oh – and kissing my husbands you know what for helping out so much at home.
I love my little girl, but I am not always present with her.
Even when I’m home, I feel glued to my laptop and wireless devices. I’ve got an online business and bottom line is I’m afraid something will fall through the cracks costing me more than I’m willing to give up.
But children need to feel valued.
And just being around - on the phone, on the computer, doing business - is not quality time.
When my life is in hectic mode, I might as well be a ghost parent.
Ghost parents are common in this day in age. Nannies, babysitters, fancy private schools.
And then recently, even though we don’t use any of the above, I realized I was slowly turning into one.
I thought because I love my kids more than my own life itself, that was enough.
I thought because I was providing them with a comfy house in the sweet town of Boulder and buying them beautiful clothes and nice toys to play with that was love.
And maybe it is, but true love resides in presence.
It's frickin hard for me to drop in, step away from endless pile of to-dos and create the space and time my daughter needs.
So, for all you other go-getter type moms who can relate with my plight, here's what I have come up with give your child the quality time they deserve.
1). NO PHONE, NO COMPUTER, NO DISTRACTIONS
Yep, more important than a run or yoga class, the time you spend with your kids will shape the kinds of people they become. If you want checked out kids, don't pay attention to them and just be a ghost parent.
You need to give your children your undivided attention at some point in the day every single day.
Need to cook? Bring them into the equation. Mixing batters and dressing are a fave to most kiddos. Laundry to do? Turn it into a game of hide an seek. Try an art project. Read them a story.
Half-assing it with your kids doesn't work. You can try to sell yourself on that concept but you ain’t foolin’ anyone.
If you are devoting the majority of your attention to yourself doing things for you and not your kids, it’s time to reevaluate what matters to you.
2). RESPECT YOUR KIDS
Kids can be intense. It’s non-stop. Every minute. It never stops. Right?
I get frustrated. Pissed off. I’m human. The pressure can every so often put me over the top.
But no matter what, I own my own sh*t. I’ll always admit when I’m wrong and ask for an apology. Even from a 3 year old.
Our kids need to be treated with respect so they too can learn how to respect themselves and others.
One way to teach them respect is to give them permission to voice their feelings and give them the right to call you out.
3). DON'T EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO GET ADULT THINGS
Kids should be able to enjoy their freedom and youth.
Not hear how busy mommy is or that she has too much work.
Nothing should be as important as our children – the center of our universes.
They don’t need to hear our excuses or get drowned in our BS?
As intelligent, creative people, we should be able to figure out a way to prioritize our children's needs over our own. They deserve the respect and love.
We are the parents. It's our responsibility to show up for them.
I have just given you 3 great tips to create a quality connection to your children. What kinds of special things do you do for your children that aren't always interlaced with all your other obligations and priorities? I would love to hear from you. Please leave your comments in the box below.
Share this with other parents you think could use it. Sometimes we all need to hear hard things if it means it can make us better people or parents. Post it on FB, Pinterest or Tweet it.
XO, Hayley